I came across a TikTok video of a woman mentioning how sometimes God doesn’t put you in an environment for you to prove yourself. Sometimes you interrupt other people’s karma, and instead of questioning whether you are aligned with those spaces or whether they’re even meant for you..you continue to push through.
And pushing through does not equate to being a good person.
For me, being a good person was never about perception. It was about treating people the way I wanted to be treated. When friendships or relationships in my life fell short, I would constantly circle back to the same question in my mind: Why would they do me like this when all I did was overextend myself?
But accountability looks like admitting that nobody asked me to overextend myself. And even if they did, I still had the conscious choice to make that decision.
I guess, secretly, what I wanted in return was honesty. I wanted people to stick around. I wanted correction, and I wanted to be included.
A few weeks ago, I did an inner child meditation. I didn’t know whether I should knock on the door or just walk through it to meet my younger self. I decided to walk through. I sat next to myself, crisscross applesauce, and the first thing I asked was, “Do you want to play?” It seems like such a harmless question, but after the meditation, I found myself crying. It made me realize that I didn’t have many people who simply showed up for me or invited me in without me being of service to them.
Even growing up, I found myself receiving love when I showed up for people in the way they desired. It’s something I’ve been working through because, ultimately, I didn’t just want to be useful; I wanted to be considered. I wanted to be considered simply because I existed.
I didn’t want to be chosen because I made people look good, helped elevate their ideas, or brought joy and excitement into their lives. I wanted to be chosen without having to earn it.
Over time, that evolved into me volunteering for responsibilities that were never mine. I found myself saying yes more often than I said no because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. At what point did kindness become self-sacrifice?
Because, let’s be real, sacrifice is not a reward, and it does not determine what you deserve. Self-sacrifice can easily become self-abandonment because you stop listening to yourself. You only listen to the ways you can show up for other people.
I sincerely spent a month asking myself: Am I actually helping people, or am I trying to prove something to myself? Honestly, I think part of it was both.
But if I’m going to play devil’s advocate with myself, I’d say I was trying to prove that I could stay regardless of the conditions. I’m used to people leaving when things get hard or when I need help, so I wanted to be that person for other people. It’s not something I regret, but it is something I wish I had been more intentional about.
I had to remind myself that I am not the fixer of anyone else’s life. And when I removed myself, the only thing that happened was that people continued living their lives. Did some of those interactions eventually turn into resentment? Probably.
Because I found myself feeling unappreciated, exhausted, and disappointed by expectations that I had never communicated.
So maybe the question isn’t whether I have a good person complex.
Maybe the lesson is understanding that being a good person can cost you when you continuously place yourself in positions that were never yours to carry in the first place.
